The
rosy glow the camellias lend to my room on a sunny morning seems a fit metaphor
for the joy of spring. I open the curtains, and the sun shining through the
camellia casts its blush onto the walls and ceiling. What a way to wake up! It’s
like being bathed in hope.
Put on your rose-coloured glasses for this week's story, a satire of consumerism.
Collection Therapy
Bootstrapping:
The Self-Help Journal
(PO Box 15, Wisdem, Saga City
13245)
Staff
Memo
To: Morsley Pertwing
From: Byron Bayly, Bootstrapping
Editor in Chief etc
Mors, I need a favour. Got this
transcript of a phone call from a guy called Bruno offering his story. I think
it might be what we're after for our first edition, but I've got to tell you,
the guy's no writer. Do you think you could knock it into shape?
Thanks
buddy,
BB
Transcript of phone call from
'Bruno', 12/2/06, 10:45am
Receptionist: Good morning, Bootstrapping:
The Self-help Journal, Kara speaking.
Caller: Name's Bruno. 'eard ya
wanted stories. Yeah, well I got one. Make ya readers real glad. Ready? [pause]
I always liked stuff. Stuff's good f'ya, ya need lots. I didn't have lots
before. Ma said it was greedy t'ave too much. Can't 'ave too much. Don't hafta
be perfect neither. Any stuff'll do. Like my tennis racquet, see. No 'andle but
real nice on toppa my other stuff. Gotta tie it up, or it all falls out, see.
An' some people, some people don't respect it neither, so I tie it up so
it stays there. Pop said stuff won't make ya happy. Th' ol' codger din't know
nothin', did 'e? I'm 'appy. Why not? Don't need frien's nor fancy 'ouse nor
edjacation. Na, stuff's good. An' plenty f'rall. Ya should get more. 'ard
rubbish'll do ya, an' skips out th'backa shops. Like where I live. Paradise, I
call it. Plentya stuff. [pause]Got all that, girly?
Receptionist: Er, yes, I think
so, Mr er . . .
Caller: just Bruno. I'll send ya
a photo. See ya.
(Phone call ended at 10:47am)
Bootstrapping: The Self-Help Journal, Autumn 2006, Vol. 1, No. 1, Ego Books, Saga City.
Start collecting . . . and find yourself: Bruno's story
(as told to Morsley Pertwing)
When you look at a recent
photograph of me, you might find it difficult to believe that I
used to lack the confidence to be myself. I was socially inept, moody and
miserable. But I learned a secret which turned my life around. Knowing that
many others suffer these problems, I share my secret with you. I am certain
your life will be changed forever as you adopt the philosophies of what I call collection
therapy.
Psychologists
tell us there are five levels of human need, but the truth is much simpler. We
all have biological needs, such as food and shelter, and we all need safety
from physical danger. Beyond that, I have discovered, there is just one other
factor which will bring our lives to
completion. But before I tell you the
answer, let's look at the problems you
may be having.
Are
you socially isolated? Do you experience palpitations when you talk to strangers?
Have you suffered the humiliation of people sneering at you (or worse) when
passing you in the street? Or the indignity of your own family forgetting your
name, or failing to invite you to important family events? I empathise with
you. But do not lose hope –
there is a solution.
Many
of us build our identity on what others think of us. This never fails to cause
problems. We must find a more enduring foundation for life.
We
all know that our emotional and social difficulties typically spring from the
patterns of our family life. One of our first baby words gives us a clue to
something of utmost importance, and this is the point where almost all families
make a huge mistake. It is in our parents' reaction to the word 'mine' where
the damage begins.
If,
instead of attempting to turn our children from this natural and necessary urge
to claim ownership over things, we encouraged it and gave them more
opportunities to express it, I believe we would see a social revolution. No
longer would we repress what is natural to all nature. But I am getting ahead
of myself.
My
own development was typically thwarted: my parents insisted on us sharing,
constantly telling us to be grateful for what we had. Ruinous attitudes!
Parents, take note that this way of training has produced a world full of sad,
lonely people. I grew up trying to be content with the little I had, trying to
win approval by not having much, and shamefully repressing my desire for more.
Eventually my lonely, maladjusted life was in tatters. I hit rock bottom.
My
journey to a life of purpose began with the hard rubbish collection. I
literally stumbled across my first collection site, and without thinking I took
hold of a trolley with one wheel missing and tugged it home with me. Once I had
reached my home in the lee of the skip behind the local shops, I realised what
I had done. It was a thrilling moment. For what use is a trolley if it's not
filled with things? All this time I had been living in the land of plenty and
not recognised it. It took some arguing with myself, but after a furious three
minutes I was convinced. And I am pleased to say I have never looked back. For
I had discovered the secret of my true identity – owning stuff.
The
fabulous fact of collection therapy is that there is more than enough stuff for
all of us. While it is true that we tend to want certain items more strongly
and are tempted to squabble over them as thoughtlessly as seagulls, those who have
practised collection therapy for longer and accessed its deep capacity for substitution can find themselves
sublimely satisfied with other people's cast-offs. No matter if they are of no
practical use –
a tennis racquet with no handle, a trolley with no wheels, boxes and bags with
holes, torn seams and broken zips, and all of it tied up so tightly that it
would take us hours to undo if we could find a use for them – it is the mere fact that we own
them that provides ultimate satisfaction.
Owning
stuff, practised diligently, will provide fulfilment of all emotional needs,
including the need for belonging in relationships, the need for esteem, and the
need for self-actualisation. All this can be yours simply by collecting stuff!
What could be easier or more natural? No more loneliness, no more depression,
no more awkward social contacts, no more fear of rejection.
If
this speaks to you, then stop worrying and start collecting! Your family won't
recognise the new you.
Start
collecting, and find the true you today.
Until next week…
Claire Belberg